Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
