drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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