Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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