hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
