you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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