you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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