I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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