I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry about my life...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize