oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize