she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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