Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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