Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
