And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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