Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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