I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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