it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize