im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
