He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
