Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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