Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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