our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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