she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
