God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
