OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
