I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
