i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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