What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
