I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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