I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
