Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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