we're blogging at a bar
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
