I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
