How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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