i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize