everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
