1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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