I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
