I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize