moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
