I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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