He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
