I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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