Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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