You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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