Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
