So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
