i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
