Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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