Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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