I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize