jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
