There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
