i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex on a dog bed..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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