"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
