I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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