my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..