Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.