so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss