Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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