She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
