Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
