My pussy is not your playground.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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