HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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